A wildly common case in sex therapy practices is early ejaculation (formerly known as premature ejaculation). While the thought of orgasming with your partner too early during sexual play can seem embarrassing, shameful, or leaving you worrying about his or her enjoyment, know that you are not alone and are not a rarity.
While there is generally not one specific cause for all early ejaculation cases, psychological and physiological factors may be impacting performance. I always recommend to all men, that prior to beginning (or at the beginning of sex therapy) to visit your urologist (if you do not have one, either your primary care provider, or myself can make a recommendation) and rule out potential medical issues. Examples of physiological causes are: pelvic floor issues, hormonal imbalance, and inflammation of the prostate. When early ejaculation is psychological in nature, anxiety, relationship issues, pressure to perform, or even erectile dysfunction can be in play.
If you worry about performance and subconsciously rush to complete sex, orgasm can happen quickly. Additionally, the expectations of your partner can have a great deal of impact on remaining mindful and present mentally during sexual experiences.
Given the range of potential reasons early ejaculation may occur, ruling out either biological or psychological issues in initially paramount. After, many interventions exist that are evidence-based and time proven to delay ejaculation.
The following are just two of a handful of strategies that are commonly prescribed by an AASECT certified sex therapist to aid in building control over ejaculatory response:
Edging: Masturbating up to just before orgasm and stopping prior to ejaculation, taking a break (letting the erection subside a little), and then starting masturbation again. This allows you predict when you are close to orgasm and being able to identify when you need to slow down or take a break prior to continuing masturbation (and inevitably sex). This also allows the opportunity to delay ejaculation as you become more familiar with sensations, ultimately desensitizing your experience with masturbation and sex. This can replicated during oral or penetrative sex by stopping penetration and taking a break or focusing on your partner.
Pause/Squeeze Technique: Masturbating up to just before orgasm (like above), but instead of stopping masturbating and taking a break prior to restarting, here you will grab and hold the shaft of the penis snugly (just below the head) just prior to ejaculation. This helps stop orgasm through dulling sensation. After, either masturbation or sexual play can continue…lengthening the sexual play.