We talk about it all of the time at my office. What happens when your or your partner’s drive for penetrative sex is there, but you/he isn’t standing at full attention, ready to join the party? Psychogenic erectile dysfunction is tremendously common, yet immensely frustrating. There isn’t anything much worse than having the overwhelming desire to have sex, but not being able to “rise” to the occasion.
Many problems can get in the way (have a look at Performance and Loss of Erotic Focus below), as anxiety and stress can kill even the most determined “soldier.” Regardless, issues maintaining an erection during penetrative sex can leave you or your partner feeling lost, or wondering if you really are attracted to him or her, or vise versa. Often, this is luckily not the case (as many partners who stay together have great sexual attractions for one another).
So the question becomes, how do you get rid of the elephant in the room (seeing as how it’s not invited)? Introduce it. The best initial outcome for anyone in a sexual relationship where one or more partners has a loss of erectile function, is to create clear and open communication around the problem, goals, desires, and expectations. If you can get on the same page, managing the sexual dysfunction is far simpler. Sex were erectile functioning has been an issue can cause many interpersonal problems within the relationship leaving each partner feeling uncared for or even unloved or desired.